Don't Count On It

As much as I'd like to think that I'm responsible with my money, I realize that the reality is far from that assumption. Most likely another ZIP code. Case in point:

Walgreens has rolled out their Halloween merchandise. At this point, I know better than to wander down those aisles in which they reside for fear of slipping into some weird shopping coma where 10 minutes later I'm walking out the door with a bag full of plastic, screaming, fake bloody crap and a receipt in double-digits somewhere in the 30's lurking ominously in my pocket. The day in question was no exception, but due to the state of the economy, I decided to employ a certain amount of restraint. After grabbing a pair of werewolf and mummy gloves, I headed for the register, eyes practically looking at the ceiling so as to not be drawn in by anything else. Thankfully Raoul at the Makeup counter was relatively close by. I was greeted by his ample frame and recently permed hair...

Raoul: Next...OH! Those are great! (pointing at my gloves)

Me: Uh, thanks! Yeah, I couldn't resist.

Raoul: I mean really, you could be ANYTHING with these. You could be so inventive and creative. All you gotta do with these (holds up the mummy gloves) is get a white shirt and paint some bones on it and you got yourself a costume.

SIDEBAR - I wanted to shake my head and, with pity, say; "Oh Raoul, that just wouldn't do! Those are gloves for a MUMMY, not a SKELETON! You are so silly." Alas, the moment had passed, and I think even Raoul would know that I was being an asshole.

Me: Yeah, I guess..

Raoul: I get all sorts of great ideas for costumes! Mostly from the Internet, you know. Last year, you know what I did? I bought some sweat pants and a white lab coat. Then I got myself a black sharpie and wrote numbers all over 'em! And then I went out and everybody was like, 'whoah, that's so weird! What are you supposed to be?' And I just looked at them and said, 'I'm someone you can count on!!!"

SIDEBAR - Have you ever been offered a joke by someone that you just didn't want to accept? It was happening to me. And I was a little broadsided by it. Luckily, I snapped out of my daze to put together some reaction so that he knew that it hadn't fallen on deaf ears.

Me: Uh...OH. Wow.

Raoul: Get it?! Funny, huh? Yeah, that was a good costume.

Me: Sounds like it.

Raoul: Yeah, you get all kinds of crazy ideas from the Internet.